


I Was Wrong

by galactickoke



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Awkward First Times, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Goodbyes, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Summaries, New Canaan, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Pre-Legion Joshua Graham, Tumblr Prompt, Young Joshua Graham
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 01:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21090851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galactickoke/pseuds/galactickoke
Summary: based on a tumblr prompt that i lost that went something like this: "I thought that no matter what you did, I would always love you. I was wrong."A short two-part fic about Joshua Graham's lover before he helped Caesar create his legion, and the results of that relationship when he came home.





	I Was Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting on AO3 and the first time posting any of my work since 2017. I apologize if there's errors or if the writing is messy and weird. Also to be noted I know nothing of Joshua's religion, or religion in general, so I'm sorry if something relating to that doesn't make sense. This is a rough second draft and I hope to edit it later.

Connie was in love with Joshua Graham. Everyone in Ogden knew this. Everyone knew Joshua loved her back. It was generally accepted that one day they would marry under God, and have children who would be baptized in front of the town.

Connie really didn't know much about the New Canaanite religion, though she tried her very best. She would read her bible every night with Joshua. He would gently murmur the words as his finger moved across the page, highlighting what he was speaking. When Connie's eyes would eventually grow heavy, he would gently place his bookmark between the pages, grab her hand and lead her to bed. He would pinch the flames out of their candles, and his singed fingers would trace lovingly over Connie's sleeping figure.

Despite her never-ending pleas, Joshua would not marry Connie before he was to do his missionary work.

"Connie, you know how much I would love to marry you, but I must do God's work first." he always said. Connie, who was still fairly new to New Caanan, didn't really understand why he had to leave, and for so long.

"Oh, but why can't I come with?" she whined, though she already knew the answer. By now she had heard it at least a half dozen times. 

Joshua sighed, but he was patient. "It is tradition for my people to do missionary work, and do it alone. It would make no sense for you to do it alongside me," he replied, and upon seeing the look on Connie's face, he continued. "Besides, it is a long journey and it will be dangerous. It is better for you to stay here, within the safety of Ogden's walls."

Connie nodded, and wiped a tear off her cheek. Joshua stepped forward, cupping her small face in his hands. She looked up at him with big, watery eyes.

"But you'll write me, won't you? Even if I can't reply back?" she said, worry dripping off every word she spoke.

"We've been over this already, dear," he planted a kiss on her forehead. "Everything will be alright." he said, bringing his love into his arms. Connie hugged back just as tightly, if not more.

"What will I do without you?" she said. Joshua just laughed.

The day before Joshua left, Connie pretended she was his wife. She cleaned his travelling clothes, even polished his shoes, though she knew they would get dusty soon anyways. She cooked a few meals that would hopefully bring him comfort in the first few days of travels. There wasn't much to pack, but she did it anyways. Joshua wanted to keep his load pretty light. So she put the bare minimum in a small leather pack, just a change of clothes, his .45 ammo, a pocket sized Bible, and a small journal.

As anxious as she was, she knew she had to have faith in his survival skills, and in God. Connie knew He would watch over Joshua, but she still bit her nails raw at the thought of him alone in the wastes.

The two went to bed early that night, as the caravan Joshua was to initially travel with would depart just before sunrise. Joshua pinched out the candle as usual, and Connie sighed.

"If you keep that up you'll become a burned man," she murmured. Joshua rolled over to face her.

"The only thing that could burn me is the flame of your love," he said with a smile. After a pause, he went in for a kiss. Not a polite little kiss like they usually shared, but a true kiss. Deep, passionate. with a taste of lust.

Connie parted suddenly, her shoulders heaving slightly. "How could you love me, Joshua?" she said. Joshua tucked a strayed piece of her long, blonde hair behind her ear, out of her face.

"How could I not?" he said sweetly, though his brows were furrowed. 

"Because I'm a sinner. A- what is the word your folk always use? Gentile?" Joshua felt his heart sink, and he flinched.

"Because you work hard to learn the ways of my people. You know you have sinned, and you try to right your wrongs. You're truly a good person, Connie. I don't see your sins, I just see you," he said. Joshua rolled on top of Connie, his hands resting on her frail hips. "God loves everybody, even sinners. He forgives all, just as I forgive you." 

Connie squirmed under his hard gaze, her eyes avoiding his. "Do you? Even though I'm not a virgin?" she said. Joshua's head fell to her forehead.

"I keep telling you, I forgive your sins." he said, voice thick like warm honey. Connie's mouth opened to protest, but Joshua kissed her again. 

It was a gentle, but long kiss. Connie wanted more, her lips picking up speed, her tongue demanding entry. Joshua grabbed her hands and put them both above her head, locking her wrists together with his gentle strength. He reciprocated Connie's neediness, just for a moment, before he tasted salt on his lips. Sure enough, Connie choked out a sob against him and he broke away. 

"Connie, talk to me," he said firmly. He released her wrists to wipe her tears. They kept rolling down her cheeks and her mouth was moving rapidly, but nothing came out. Joshua waited, wiping her tears gingerly with his thumb. Finally, with a shaky breath, she pushed against Joshua's chest, who let her push him. He fell besides her, level with her.

"I've been keeping something from you," she barely whispered, hiccuping. "The man that took me, I- Well, I," she rambled. "He forced it, I didn't want it. He-"

She was cut off by Joshua. "-raped you," he finished. His eyes turned icy in a way Connie had never seen before, and it frankly terrified her. She let out another sob, nodding. His eyes slid shut, his whole body tense with rage. A long awkward silence was held before he opened up his eyes.

"I hope God will have more mercy on him than I will, if i ever meet this man." he said. Connie blinked.

"This doesn't change anything?" she said. "If you want me to leave, I understand, I'm filthy-"

"_Christ_, woman. Of course this doesn't change anything. I don't think you're tainted or filthy. What that man took from you was not his to take." he said, his voice raising. Not at Connie, of course, but more at the man, even himself. "You're pure in my eyes, Connie," Joshua finished, staring into her black, teary eyes.

She kissed him again, a surprise to Joshua. "I want to make better memories, tonight. With you." she said breathlessly, tracing patterns on Joshua's garments. He thought it over, just for a second, before replying.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Connie nodded without a second's pause, and Joshua swiftly rolled back on top of her, gently. His knees trapped her hips, and he focused his weight on his hands besides her.

She really did look pure, under his gaze. The moonlight kissed her skin, a soft glow radiating from her. Light hair pooled beneath her head in waves, reminding Joshua of pre-war mermaid paintings. Her hands crossed over her chest, just below her full breasts.

Joshua kissed her, infinitely more gentle than before. His hands worked down her sides, slowly, to here bare thighs, going barely beneath her short night dress.

"May I?" he murmured, much more aware of her consent. A quick nod of her head and the gown was gone, leaving her only in her panties. He got to work, kissing down her jaw, down to her sensitive neck, sucking gently at the thin skin. Little gasps left Connie's mouth, and he trailed down further, adjusting his body to reach his mouth near her breasts. He wasn't quite sure what to do, so he ran his hands over her breasts, and after a small gasp, he focused on her nipples, gently teasing them until they were hard. He kissed and sucked them. 

"Please," she whimpered, her hands tangled in his hair. She tugged his head down, and Joshua continued kissing down to the waistband of her panties. He looked back up at her, his eyes filled with a silent question. "Please," she repeated. Joshua looped his fingers through her panties and gently guided them off her form.

He hovered her, admiring her body. "So beautiful," he sighed, before kissing down to her core. When she let out a loud moan, he continued kissing and licking that spot, holding her trembling thighs for support. She melted underneath him, tense and shaking for him. The fire in her core spread to her tummy, her toes curled, and her fingers tangling Joshua's hair. 

She came undone all at once, her body seizing up and her back arching. Half formed words rambled out of her mouth, and her fingers left his hair and instead she clawed at the sheets. She cried out, riding out her orgasm as Joshua slowly stopped. Connie fell to the bed, shaking. 

"Are you alright?" Joshua asked, kissing her tummy before sitting up besides her. She wiped the sweat off her brow and nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"Thank you," she said, panting. "Let me return the favor." She grasped at Joshua's hard groin. He emitted a hiss of pleasure, but grabbed her wrist, yanking it away from him. Connie's eyebrows rose and her lip trembled. Joshua softened the grip on her wrist, instead giving it a small kiss.

"There's no need. Tonight is for you," he said. Joshua opened his arms and Connie crawled into them, and he held her there for a long time, gently rocking her. Her face nuzzled in his chest, breathing in his scent. He lay them both down, and reached for the sheets at the end of the bed, and covered them both up. She sighed contently and he left a kiss at the top of her head.

"I love you, Connie. Always remember that." he said.

"I love you, too. You best not forget that, either," she murmured sleepily. Both fell asleep quickly, and for once Connie's unconscious mind wasn't plagued by nightmares.

* * *

Joshua left before the sun rose. He didn't dare wake up Connie before necessary, as he knew she loved to sleep in quite late. However, as soon as he stirred, she was bright eyed and alert, truly awake before him.

They exchanged no words as Joshua got ready for the day. Nothing was said when Connie buttoned up his shirt, tears streaming down her face as her fingers gingerly work the buttons. Not even when she washed his face, rubbing it over his skin with no true purpose other than she wanted to touch him.

Finally, finally, Connie said something,when Joshua was ready to leave.

"I want you to have this." Her hands slipped behind her neck, fumbling to unclasp a necklace Joshua usually paid little attention to. She held the necklace out in her palm, showing him. It was a thin, silver chain, completely rust free but clearly worn. On the chain was a small coin, engraved with the word _Absolvo_. 

"What is this?" he asked, grabbing the chain and fixing it around his own neck.

"It's a necklace my step-father gave me. The text means something about forgiveness," she said, watching joshua rub the coin between his fingers. 

"It's perfect. Thank you," he said, bringing his lips to her forehead. "I have something for you too, something I've wanted to give you for a long time." Joshua produced a ring from seemingly nowhere, and got on one of his knees before Connie.

The ring was simple, but beautiful. It was a golden band with one diamond, cut in a simple geometric shape. "This was my mother's ring, gifted to her by my father, which was gifted to him by his mother, and so on." he explained, slipping the ring over her the appropriate finger. "I want to promise you, properly promise to you, that I will marry you. I promise to love you forever, to raise children with you. I hope our son will have this ring some day." his eyes were watery as he looked up at Connie, whose face was streaked with tears.

"You know my answer, don't even ask. Yes, I will marry you!" she said, beaming. Joshua kissed her hand and stood up, kissing her lips. "I love you so much, Joshua. Please stay safe out there," she said.

"You I can take care of myself, Connie. I love you too." With that, he walked out the door, leaving Connie alone. 

She fell to her knees with a sob, clutching her ring hand to her chest. She wept and wept, and she must have woken one of the other townsfolk, because someone she didn't know came in, wiping her tears and helped her back to bed. She faintly remembered seeing him talking with Joshua before, but didn't dwell on it long before she fell back into a deep sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry if this was messy and unpleasant to read. Thank you for reading though!


End file.
